Words by Moya Lothian-McLean. Photography by Mitch Zachary.

Victoria Bonin, 27, has lived in Amsterdam for five years now. But it’s only in the past 12 months that she feels her life has really started coming together. The catalyst, she says, is We Are Queer, the first gym in the city catering specifically to, and for, LGBTQIA+ people. 

Making friends as an immigrant who doesn’t speak Dutch – especially queer ones – is hard, Victoria says. It got harder still in 2020, when Covid-19 hit. Isolated during the pandemic and working from home as a software developer, Victoria made the decision that propelled her from her native Brazil to the Netherlands in the first place: to come out publicly as a trans woman. 

“Brazil is really transphobic,” she explains. “It’s the country where trans people are murdered most.”

Victoria’s upbringing – in a “very conservative” family whose ancestors originally migrated to Brazil from Italy in the 1900s – also caused her to dream of building an adult life elsewhere, “where things seemed to be a little bit better.” In 2018, she spotted a job in Amsterdam and thought “what the hell.”

“And I moved,” she says, softly. “I found a job and did it. I knew nobody, didn’t have a house to stay in, only a job.”

“The idea of coming out started easing in my mind, that maybe it wasn’t so bad, maybe no one was going to murder me,” she says. “In 2020 I was like ‘I’m not gonna hide anymore. I’m gonna live my life as I want it, as who I am’.” 

“I came out. It was a rough, rough thing. I was on my own basically for the first one and half years of my transition.”

Victoria struggled with her mental health and started therapy to try and address some of her issues, but she was still lonely. She’d repeatedly tell herself exercise was one quick way to fire up her endorphins – back in Brazil she’d been active since she was a teenager, practicing capoeira and skateboarding – but what to do? Running was a no – “I hate running,” she confesses – and standard gyms seemed terrifying as a newly out trans person. 

Then, in summer 2022, Victoria spotted an Instagram post, advertising We Are Queer, then celebrating its opening week. The sun had boosted her mood. “Why not?” she asked herself. So she headed down, initially just to take part in a workshop on queer safety. But then, it clicked. This space could be exactly what she had been looking for.

“I was literally in a queer gym that was [offering] classes for exercise,” she laughs. “So the week after I went to my first class.”

One class turned into three a week, and soon Victoria was connecting with a new community, making queer friends who introduced her to the underground sites only those in the know could. For the “first time” it feels as if she’s building a life in the city. A change that Victoria credits to We Are Queer. 

“For me, this gym is the most important aspect of living in Amsterdam,” she says. “For mental health reasons, physical reasons, gender euphoria [the feeling of your gender identity aligning with the gender you present as] reasons, community reasons – it’s the central hub.”

“I even moved to a new place a month ago to be closer to the gym. This community is my number one priority.”

Victoria frequents one particular We Are Queer class which targets the lower body. 

“It’s called ‘Nothing But Butts’,” she grins. “It gives me so much gender euphoria – my body is how I want it to be, or becoming that. I don’t want my upper body any bigger though – doing upper body triggers gender dysphoria in me [an acute feeling of distress experienced when a person’s gender identity differs from their gender assigned at birth].”

When upper body exercises crop up in her classes, Victoria adapts them. 

“It’s a space where you’re supposed to feel safe and be able to voice your concerns, to do what you can and everybody’s going to respect you,” she says. “That’s the whole point; nobody’s going to shout for you to go harder. In some places there can be this extreme of pushing someone to go further – that’s not the case here. It really is a place where you’re supposed to feel good, feel safe, feel welcome”. 

It’s a far cry from when Victoria lived in Brazil and frequented the gym to try and feel at home in a body that was alien to her. 

“I started going to the gym but still presenting as a man, trying to fit in,” she remembers. “It was really a burden. Now, I actually look forward to going to the gym.”

The confidence Victoria derives from We Are Queer is revitalizing how she moves through the world. 

“After a workout, I feel like I have this dopamine battery in my head. I’m so confident and happy. As a consequence I do more things, I go shopping, I date, I’m more outgoing.” 

“My biggest fear when joining a queer space in Amsterdam was not being queer enough to be part of it. In Brazil, I was in conservative spaces because of family and work. I didn’t know what to expect, there were a lot of unknowns. But now I go to queer events, community things without feeling anxious – I know how people behave, how welcoming they are.” 

In the near future, Victoria is focusing on understanding herself better as well as continuing her medical transition. One day – sooner rather than later – she hopes to return to Brazil.

“I might go back, when I feel stronger, when I can handle things,” she says. “I know I want to but I’m too afraid – it’s too dangerous and transphobic. I have a big decision to make at some point about whether I want to stay in the Netherlands. There are things I miss, the music, the party scene, the food, that I cannot have [here]. It’s ups and downs. I don’t regret anything though, and I love where I am.”

She pays homage to the gym for her increased happiness – but also to herself, for finding the courage to join in the first place.

“It takes a lot of effort to expose yourself to things you’re anxious about, but it pays off,” she says. “If people feel lonely, if they’re not connected with the community, you should put yourself out there. Queer people are amazing. They’re going to welcome you.” 

As Amsterdam’s first queer gym, We Are Queer was created to give the LGBTQIA+ community a safe space to work out. Right To Run has partnered with We Are Queer since 2022, initially providing financial assistance for the gym’s set-up, and continues to support on the ground, helping with new initiatives such as their run club.

If you’re in Amsterdam and want to get involved, We Are Queer is hosting two events that explore the magic intersection between Queerness and Sports on September 16th and 24th. Discover more.

Find out more about We Are Queer and Right To Run.